DeadRooster.com

This past weekend, Dead Rooster dot com was invaded by Iceland. They came by the thousands from an Icelandic web site called B2 and tickled my StatCounter until it was gasping for air.

I have no idea why they arrived in such numbers, but I am happy to have them aboard. In their honor, I have written a quick history.

A Mini History of Iceland

Contrary to popular belief, Iceland is NOT a small town at the North Pole currently ruled beneath the cruel, icey fist of Santa Claus; it’s an actual country located in the North Atlantic Ocean between continental Europe and Greenland. They even have their own language, which, I assume after trying to read some of it, must have been invented by a couple of guys sitting around talking about fjords when one of them probably said, “Hey! Let’s invent a written language consisting of random letters and dots so confusing that it could never be pronounced by human vocal chords!”

Just look at some of the towns I discovered on a map of Iceland, unless you are Icelandic, I defy you to pronounce any of them without your tongue exploding:

Hafnarfjörður
Garðabær
Fjarðabyggð
Reyðarfjörður

Famous People from Iceland

Most Startling Fact

Beer was banned in Iceland until March 1st 1989 which eliminates one of the theories I had about how they came up with the Icelandic language.

OK, so this wasn’t much of a history, but I’m sleepy and have an early morning.

It’s not easy. I’ve had to climb barbed-wire fences, slide under grapevines, charm angry park rangers and even deal with rattlesnakes. But, when it comes to proposing marriage to women, I am the master.

It’s true. I’ve proposed to over 100 women and they have all—every single one of them—said “yes.” Not only that, but most of them were TOTALLY HOT!

OK, before I go any further with this technically-true statement, let me explain something: when I propose, I’m not actually proposing for myself, but on the behalf of a guy riding in a hot air balloon who wants to propose to his girlfriend (who, along with the pilot, is also riding in the balloon).

What I do is get in a truck and head-off the balloon. I jump out concealing a sign that reads, “Will You Marry Me?” and when the balloon gets close enough, the pilot descends to about 100-feet or so above the ground where I expose the sign surprising the potential fiancée.

Even though the sign doesn’t mention who is doing the proposing, most women figure out immediately that it is not me but her boyfriend (usually, because when she turns to look at him he is down on one knee holding a ring).

Recently, though, we had a girl that didn’t figure it out. She watched me run through a vineyard and into a small meadow—but when I exposed the “Will You Marry Me?” sign, she turned to her boyfriend and said, “But, I don’t even know him!”

She was a very sweet and beautiful girl–just as nice as she could be–but her I.Q. was roughly that of a bag of Cheetos.

I have heard that other pilots and crew have had women say “no,” but so far, it has never happened to me. Besides, we have a saying: “If a girl ever says ‘no,’ we’ll just throw her out of the basket.” (kidding, of course).

A special thanks to D & D Ballooning in Temecula, CA for all the fun!

Here are a few photos of my latest proposal (That’s me in the red shirt):

I really enjoy doing the proposal flights–it’s kind of like tornado chasing. LOL

Book Review: Is it Just Me or is Everything Shit?: Insanely Annoying Modern Things

I was skeptical as to how authors Steve Lowe and Alan McArthur would translate here in the states with an American version combining their two UK bestsellers: Is it Just Me or is Everything Shit, vols 1 & 2. The answer is they teamed up with Brendan Hay [The Daily Show, The Simpson’s] who added some new material then used his skills to adapt the whole thing for American readers.

The book is laid out like a mini-encyclopedia of modern culture with every topic hilariously skewered by these very funny writers. They take on everything from designer baby clothes to plastic surgery for pets.

My personal favorite is the observation of how frequently TV crime thrillers involve a dead prostitute: “Whenever the SVU writers run out of ‘ripped from the headlines’ rape cases, you can bet Belzer and Ice T are gonna discover another dead hooker.” They further observe, “…and, it’s not enough for them to be ‘dead.’ Most of them also have to be ‘mutilated.’” The observation goes on, but I don’t want to spoil the book for you.

I laughed a lot with this book—even the stuff I didn’t fully understand; for instance this entry about KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken):

“Why do you never see hippies with scarves covering their mouths catapulting each other through the window of KFC? It’s always McDonald’s. But Colonel Sanders was a right bastard—just look at what he did to Elvis.”

I get the Elvis part, but what’s with the hippies “catapulting each other through the window” stuff? I’m afraid I don’t get that one; is it something UK-ish? Anyway, it’s still funny imagery.

As a blogger, this book may prove to be invaluable on days when I can’t think of anything to write about. For example, I just now opened the book at random and found the topic, “IKEA.”

I could write a blog post about IKEA. See how that works?

Anyhow, if you love to hate modern culture—or if you just need some ideas for blog posts—this is definitely the book for you.

Is It Just Me or Is Everything Shit?: Insanely Annoying Modern Things
Authors: Steve Lowe and Alan McArthur with Brendan Hay
Published by: Grand Central Publishing
November 2008
259 pages