In the past, when anyone asked how they could find me online, I usually just told them to type Incredibly Hot Men into Google and hit the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button. But the way Google keeps changing its indexing criteria, it’s only a matter of time before it improperly redirects to the website of a slightly less-hot guy such as George Clooney or Abraham Lincoln.

But soon, none of that will make any difference because everyone will be carrying a little gadget called a Poken that, when held together with the Poken of someone you want to exchange online info with, instantly exchanges all your online social media info with that person.

Email, Facebook, Twitter, Flickr and the list goes on for as many social media sights as you want to set up.

Pokens fit right in your pocket, purse or on your keychain and you can start gathering your friends information instantly right-out-of-the-box after you activate it (but, you will need access to a computer and register online before they can gather yours).

I would love it if everyone got one of these. I am constantly asked for my email, my blog, my Facebook and, especially, where daily passengers can find the photos I took of their hot air balloon flight (I work in the hot air balloon industry and take TONS of photos). It would make writing all this stuff down a thing of the past.

At first, I thought these things were geared more toward high-school kids given the colorful cartoony look. But Pokens have obvious business applications as well, so after researching a bit, I see they have a grown-up business model as well (at a substantial price increase however). They would be perfect for use at conventions.

And, of course, there’s the dating applications: Imagine a hot chick in a night club. She gives you the look. You give her the look. She stirs her drink. You twist your fabulous Snidely Whiplash mustache. Neither of you speak, but you hold up your Pokens and silently exchange online information so that later you can exchange bodily fluids. All without saying a word.

Pokens are available right now from Poken Zoo (and fulfilled by Amazon.com) for $17.95

Its cold, black eye-holes began glowing with hell’s orange embers, and when it opened its mouth, I thought it was trying to speak, but to my horror, it was merely a build-up of maggots forcing its jaws and spilling onto the floor like globs of writhing oatmeal.

OK, not quite. What really happened was this:

It was in the fall of 1992, and I was working as a quality control manager for an aerospace firm called American Automated Engineering in Huntington Beach, California. I had heard random stories of ghosts in that building for the full 7 years I worked there, but, aside from a few unexplained footsteps or creaking chairs in unoccupied offices, I hadn’t experienced anything major until the final year of my employment.

Two things happened that year that I just can’t explain; both were in the presence of my former secretary who was transferred upstairs to the accounting department which was located just outside the two owners’ offices. Although there were stories of ghosts in all parts of the building, the most activity seemed to accumulate in or near those two offices.

At first, my secretary was happy about being transferred upstairs because, let’s face it, who would want to work for me?—but, after a couple of weeks, any time she was left alone up there, she would call down to my office and beg me to come up and keep her company. She wasn’t shy about telling me why, either: she actually saw the ghost on several occasions and it continuously menaced her.

Naturally, as a non-believer in ghosts, I took the opportunity to go upstairs and heckle her about it a little bit. She didn’t really like it, and I wasn’t really mean about it, but she put up with it rather than be up there alone.

Then I began experiencing things myself. One day while talking to her, I was leaning up against the doorway that leads into her office area when I felt someone firmly push me to get by; I was certain it was the president of the company who would do that kind of thing in a playful manner; however, when I turned to see who it was, there was no one there.

OK, “big deal,” you say, and I agree with you. I figured it was my imagination and didn’t think anything of it. But, I really did feel something, so I used it as inspiration to tease the secretary.

“Hey, I just felt the ghost push me!”

She gave me a look as if to say, “You wouldn’t be making fun of this if you experienced what I have.”

I felt a little bit sorry for her and gave her a few days without any teasing; but then I got the ultimate inspiration:

I saw the ghost myself.

As I walked by the president’s office, out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw someone other than the president sitting at his desk. Curious as to why some unknown person would be sitting there, I looked back and for a split second saw a man with dark-brown hair wearing a white dress shirt, blue and white striped tie and his black suit jacket on the back of the chair.

After I blinked, he was gone.

I immediately figured it was my mind playing tricks on me and wasted no time telling the secretary, who was sitting just outside that office, that I just saw the ghost. She, of course, thought I was teasing her and forced a small chuckle.

I laughed a little bit then confessed that I—if only for an instant—really did think I saw someone in there.

What she said to me next caused me to never tease her again. She said, “I know… he’s got dark-brown hair wearing a white dress shirt, blue and white striped tie and his black suit jacket is on the back of the chair.”

I LITERALLY felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up.

She turned and went silently back to work.

My cat Punky brings me gifts at least twice a week. He’s been doing this for several years and, even though the gifts are usually trinkets from neighborhood garbage cans or incomplete grasshoppers, I appreciate the thought.

It started with pine cones. Every few days I’d find a pine cone on the mat outside the back door. At first, I didn’t even realize Punky was doing it, I thought the pine cones were somehow rolling there after dropping from the tree. That was until I actually saw him trotting across the backyard with one in his mouth.

But, lately, he’s been getting more and more sophisticated. Now he’s starting to bring useful items; stuff he’s ripped-off from my neighbors yards or possibly right out of their houses. He’s brought the head of a Barbie Doll, a stuffed unicorn, a keychain (no keys, thank God), a bag of golf tees and a full-sized paint brush—the type used for painting trim with the paint on the bristles still wet.

This morning he showed up with a fresh, unopened bag of Cheetos.

It’s only a matter of time before he brings a severed hand and implicates me in a murder case.

The iPhone 3GS has been out now for several months, maybe even more than a year, I don’t really know, but with a laziness factor that goes to 11, I am certainly not going to take the time to look it up.

Anyway, the iPhone 3GS is new to me—I just got one last Thursday—so, for me, this is cutting-edge technology.

Right away I noticed the brilliant marketing scheme involved with this phone. Sure, I saved $400 on the purchase by upgrading my existing phone plan, but the first thing you are required to do once you get it home, is whip out your credit card and set up an iTunes account.

This is not optional. You need an iTunes account in order to get updates to you phone’s software.

The phone is equipped with several “apps” which enable you to do things like check the current temperature, find where you are on a map, etc., but I can’t for the life of me find anything that tells me how much battery life I’ve got left.

Luckily, there’s an app that takes you to the “app store” in order to find an app that you can download which will tell you how much battery life you have left. In fact, there are several apps that do this—many you can download free of charge. But, while you’re there getting your free battery app, it’s irresistible to to avoid checking out the thousands of other apps they have which do AMAZING things. Of course, these apps are not always free.

For instance, while I was at the app store, I got:

1. AppBox Pro (a collection of apps including a really cool battery-life app) $1.99
2. Snapture (a photography app enabling you to extend the phone’s camera features) $1.99
3. Simply Tweet (a Twitter app that is TOTALLY worth the price) $4.99
4. Fresh Feed (a Friendfeed app. I NEED THIS!) $2.99
5. Red Laser (scans barcodes with your phone and searches the web for the best deals) $1.99
6. Battery Magic Pro (an even BETTER battery app I found after I bought AppBox Pro) $1.99
7. Best Camera (yet another app to enhance photos) $2.99

After adding a few MP3′s at $.99 – $1.29 each my total coming out of there was about $27.

And, I thought Microsoft was evil.