Sorcerers in the Congo are Running Around Shrinking Penises
Photo credit: TCM hitchhiker
You would think sorcerers would have better ways to make money than run around shrinking mens penises and then extorting the victims. But, according to a recent Reuters article, it has become a very real and widespread panic in Congo’s capitol city.
Police have arrested thirteen sorcerers suspected of shrinking, and in some cases outright stealing, men’s penises in Kinshasa, capitol and largest city of the Democratic Republic of the Congo. The police also apprehended some of the victims:
Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.
Kinshasa’s police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko is becoming frustrated, “…when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it’s become tiny or that they’ve become impotent. To that I tell them, ‘How do you know if you haven’t gone home and tried it.’”
The whole thing seems pretty far-fetched to me, but you never know:
Photo credit: Zombophoto
“Actually shrinks your favorite monster before your eyes.” Monster? Is that what the kids are calling it now?
After seeing the original commercial for this product, I have my doubts it will bring the desired (or, should I say, un-desired) results.
It seems to me these “sorcerers” are missing out on some real cash. Instead of extorting money from small-time victims in the Congo, they could tap into the multi-billion-dollar “male enhancement” industry. All they’d have to do is cast a spell on some pills and men all over the world (who, apparently, are all awake at 2:00 a. m.) would jam the phone lines to fork over hard earned money.
Or, how about an “enchanted” vitamin with a highly-credible name like, “Sorcerer’s Choice”
Note: the fact that it was my ex-wife that alerted me to this story means nothing.
Comments
Comment from paisley
Time: April 24, 2008, 5:38 pm
they do that shit here all the time… you just haven’t dated enough guys over 40 to notice……..
Comment from William McCamment
Time: April 24, 2008, 6:01 pm
@Paisley,
I am over 40, but so far, I haven’t encountered any Congo Sorcerers. But, I’ll keep my eyes peeled…
Comment from Jillian
Time: April 25, 2008, 7:06 am
That’s hilarious. I even ’stumbled’ the story. Worth sharing. I just can’t get over how these men can’t LOOK down there and see it’s still attached and is the SAME size (unless reality decided to hit them at that point… if you know what I mean). Bizarre.
Comment from William McCamment
Time: April 25, 2008, 7:10 am
@Jillian,
Yeah, I was trying to figure that out too. Maybe it’s some kind of hypnosis thing.
Comment from SciFiDrive
Time: April 25, 2008, 7:19 am
they should start some affiliate marketing with their products
Comment from William McCamment
Time: April 25, 2008, 7:45 am
@SciFiDrive,
If they went with “male enhancement” maybe. I doubt they would get many takers on the shrinking thing.
Comment from ettarose
Time: April 25, 2008, 9:05 am
Maybe we can do that here for all the child molesters running around. They would think either their pee pees fell off or they didn’t work anymore
Comment from Pentad
Time: April 25, 2008, 12:37 pm
Great idea, ettarose!! Heh.
Comment from William McCamment
Time: April 25, 2008, 2:24 pm
@ettarose,
I agree with Pentad, that’s a great idea. A little bit of “Congo Sorcery” is just what they need.
Comment from Static
Time: April 25, 2008, 10:09 pm
Funny, my monster seems to shrink in cold water. I wonder if there’s a sorceress I can pay to fix that? I believe there is… she calls herself “Madam Viagra”.
Comment from William McCamment
Time: April 26, 2008, 4:29 am
@Static,
Remember, if your monster “reanimates” for more than 4 hours, seek medical attention immediately.
Comment from Static
Time: April 26, 2008, 6:42 pm
Dammit. Now I have a “dead rooster”.
I don’t guess you have any dead rooster storage here do ya?
Comment from William McCamment
Time: April 26, 2008, 6:54 pm
@Static,
That’s what you get for practicing sorcery alone.
Comment from damon
Time: April 28, 2008, 8:25 am
The fact that your x-wife pointed out this story to you is hilarious.
Comment from TheMrs
Time: April 29, 2008, 8:43 pm
**and in some cases outright stealing,***
Haaaa…… *tucks the mason jar under her desk for future reference and walks away whistling*
Comment from William McCamment
Time: April 29, 2008, 8:52 pm
@TheMrs,
Sometimes, you frighten me so much… 
Comment from Pentad
Time: April 24, 2008, 2:04 pm
Very, very, scary!
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