The Scent of a Rooster

by William McCamment on February 25, 2009

I filled my truck with gas this morning and when I was done I looked up and saw Stater Bros. supermarket across the parking lot. I remembered I was running low on deodorant, so decided I would just run in there really quick and get some.

Lately, I’ve been using Old Spice Red Zone “Swagger” scented deodorant. According to the container, it’s “the official scent of confidence” That’s me, baby! Confidence.

So I grab a stick and choose to get in line behind a beautiful, young, college-aged girl holding one of those carry-as-you-shop baskets filled with groceries. She looks at me, pulls a strand of hair behind her ear and smiles. I smile back.

I get all warm and fuzzy.

But then she notices I’m in line with nothing but a single stick of deodorant – and, not just ANY deodorant – RED ZONE deodorant: the kind of deodorant reserved for people with alarming body odor. And, she can tell by the fact that I came in just for the deodorant that it’s an emergency.

Her smiling face disintegrated into the same kind of look I would have expected to see if I had carried a fully-soiled urinal into the line behind her.

Realizing how it must look with me carrying nothing but a single stick of deodorant, I quickly reached up and pulled a container of Tic-tacs off the rack, but by this time, the girl had completely lost interest. She purchased her groceries then left without so much as a glance.

I sat my stuff up on the counter and the female clerk looked at the single stick of deodorant and the single container of Tic-tacs then back at me as if it needed an explanation.

“I have a date tonight,” I said, trying to be funny.

Time froze; crickets chirped.

Tough crowd.

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71 Responses to “The Scent of a Rooster”

Comments

  1. AngiNo Gravatar says:
    February 25, 2009 at 4:21 pm

    People have no sense of humor these days…

    …I thought that was funny. ;-)

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 25th, 2009 7:55 pm:

    Thanks Angi! :)

    Reply to this comment

  2. RedRaiderNo Gravatar says:
    February 25, 2009 at 5:17 pm

    At least you had a possible “out” with the lousy joke (sorry). Think how I felt when half of Wal*Mart came to a stop when I went to checkout with some Maxi Pads. “Oh, yeah. They just make good potholders!” Try Secret deodorant. Then maybe some hot babe that stinks will pay more attention to you.

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 25th, 2009 7:57 pm:

    I remember you writing about the Maxi Pads. I think I’ll go buy some just for the jokes… :)

    Reply to this comment

  3. Omar ModestoNo Gravatar says:
    February 25, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    I think the Tic-Tacs just made it worse. Body odor and breath problems? Complete interest-killer. I wonder if the girl blogged about it :P

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 25th, 2009 7:58 pm:

    I know! The tic-tacs made it worse. D’oh!

    I guess I don’t think on-the-fly well. :)

    Reply to this comment

  4. JoeNo Gravatar says:
    February 25, 2009 at 7:14 pm

    Should have bought condoms, too, and it would have totally made her day.

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 25th, 2009 7:59 pm:

    Hey, if they had some for sale in the check-out line, I’m sure I would have mindlessly picked up those instead. LOL :)

    Reply to this comment

  5. The MotherNo Gravatar says:
    February 25, 2009 at 7:45 pm

    I never understood the need for men to smell from their armpits. I guess I’m a cologne girl, not a deodorant girl.

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 25th, 2009 8:00 pm:

    I don’t smell from my armpits, I smell from my nose. LOL (sorry, couldn’t resist). :)

    Reply to this comment

  6. Gorilla BananasNo Gravatar says:
    February 26, 2009 at 12:03 am

    Buying deodorant is a sign of weakness. A gorilla would never do it.

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 26th, 2009 5:42 am:

    …which is why I didn’t get in line behind the gorilla chick. :)

    Reply to this comment

  7. Dan BrantleyNo Gravatar says:
    February 26, 2009 at 6:34 am

    When the checker paused, If you had leaned over the counter and said, “Play your cards right doll, and my date could be you.”
    Now THAT would have gotten you arrested… and given you more to write about!

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 27th, 2009 10:39 am:

    I’m willing to do a lot of stuff in the name of blogging (see my flowbee post), but being dragged out in handcuffs is something I’d only do in the name of love… :)

    Reply to this comment

  8. Jenn ThorsonNo Gravatar says:
    February 26, 2009 at 9:22 am

    Why, in this entire scene, am I picturing not you but Jon Lovitz?… Perhaps it’s the cringeworthiness of it all. :)

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 27th, 2009 10:41 am:

    LOL it seems like something he’d do. I can be quite “cringeworthy” sometimes. :)

    Reply to this comment

  9. JenNo Gravatar says:
    February 26, 2009 at 11:23 am

    Kinda like buying Tampons and peanut M&M’s huh? That will kill any wistful looks from hot guys buying deodorant. You might stink at the moment but that doesn’t mean you are going to bite someone’s head off and spit it out for doing absolutely nothing wrong. If guy sees Tampons and M7M’s he knows he best stay away for a while.

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 27th, 2009 10:43 am:

    Wow! Jen, that is a frightening scene you just described. I wouldn’t go near a woman buying tampons and M&M’s. S.c.a.r.y. :)

    Reply to this comment

  10. Broke But Still DrinkingNo Gravatar says:
    February 26, 2009 at 11:29 am

    Next time, stand in line with a jar of vaseline and a bag of carrots. Then politely ask, “Are you new around here?”

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 27th, 2009 10:46 am:

    You are the MASTER of the pick-up line (with props). LOL :)

    Reply to this comment

  11. nonamedufusNo Gravatar says:
    February 26, 2009 at 12:25 pm

    Hoo-Haa…Al Pacino you ain’t. Deodorant and Tic-Tacs? Why not complete the package WC and get some foot powder?

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 27th, 2009 11:12 am:

    Or maybe some athlete’s foot spray? That could really charm the ladies… :)

    Reply to this comment

  12. ThinkinfyouNo Gravatar says:
    February 26, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    Body odor and bad breath….not a winning combination!

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 27th, 2009 11:28 am:

    Champagne and a bucket of chicken… now THERE’S a winning combination! :)

    Reply to this comment

  13. AngelaNo Gravatar says:
    February 26, 2009 at 10:37 pm

    Maybe it wasn’t the thought of you smelling that was the problem at all! My husband came home with the same damn stick of deodorant and I made him take it back to the store. My dad wears that shit, and I’ll be damned if I go to kiss him, close my eyes and smell my dad! EWWWWW! Change brands, quick! No young fine woman will want to be with a good looking man like yourself if she keeps getting a whiff of her father or even worse…her grandfather!

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 27th, 2009 11:33 am:

    Whoa! Hold on a minute; I’m using Old Spice “SWAGGER” scent. It’s new and it smells nothing like original Old Spice. It does NOT smell like your father or grandfather (unless they are — and I’m getting this from the official “swagger” site — “celebrity type person’s”). :)

    Reply to this comment

    AngelaNo Gravatar reply on February 27th, 2009 3:26 pm:

    Just the name “Old Spice” reminds me of the smell…heehee.

    Reply to this comment

  14. AngelaNo Gravatar says:
    February 26, 2009 at 10:38 pm

    P.S.
    Stumbled this.

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 27th, 2009 11:33 am:

    Thanks for the stumble! I appreciate that! :)

    Reply to this comment

  15. Sean DonlandNo Gravatar says:
    February 27, 2009 at 12:00 pm

    You should’ve popped the top off and licked the top, winking at her.
    When your don’t go, that ain’t the only red zone I lick, know what I mean sugarbuns?

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 27th, 2009 3:21 pm:

    I found that calling a girl “sugarbuns” always works. LOL :)

    Reply to this comment

  16. Gina AlfaniNo Gravatar says:
    February 27, 2009 at 6:53 pm

    OMG I’m still laughing so hard :) LOL I needed this laugh!!!

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 28th, 2009 12:40 pm:

    Thanks, Gina! Glad I could be of service! LOL :)

    Reply to this comment

  17. Campbell JaneNo Gravatar says:
    February 27, 2009 at 11:02 pm

    hahahahhahahahahahahaha Too Funny!

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 28th, 2009 12:41 pm:

    Thanks! I love it when you laugh! :)

    Reply to this comment

  18. ettaroseNo Gravatar says:
    February 28, 2009 at 8:15 am

    It could have been worse, you could have been holding Blue Star Ointment and a nit comb with that deodorant. Hoo boy!

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 28th, 2009 12:42 pm:

    I have no idea what Blue Star Ointment OR what a nit comb is… and, I probably don’t want to know. :)

    Reply to this comment

  19. MaureenNo Gravatar says:
    February 28, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    Ahahahahahahaha! Tic Tacs were probably your WORST choice….

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 28th, 2009 9:17 pm:

    I know! Terrible choice! But, it was either those, or some dumb scandal sheet featuring Jessica Simpson’s weight problem… LOL :)

    Reply to this comment

  20. mizdiNo Gravatar says:
    February 28, 2009 at 5:57 pm

    I’ve been reading blogs since this morning.. I put off reading this post for the last because I sure want to cap my day with a good laugh… and I wasn’t disappointed. Good grief! You are just one damn funny rooster!

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 28th, 2009 9:17 pm:

    Thanks mizdi! I really appreciate that! :)

    Reply to this comment

  21. MarieNo Gravatar says:
    February 28, 2009 at 9:03 pm

    Geez Louise Bill. You are leading the male version of my life. I am so sorry honey.

    But this post, and the comments, have me laughing my ass off. Oooh, I just thought of something else you could have said to her. You could have winked and said “My name is Rooster. Cock-a-doodle-do.”

    I think I speak for everyone when I say we would definitely pool out money to bail you out of jail.

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on February 28th, 2009 9:20 pm:

    Everyone always SAYS their willing to bail me out of jail, but I know from experience that you just can’t count on it. LOL :)

    Reply to this comment

    MarieNo Gravatar reply on March 1st, 2009 6:32 am:

    Well then someday we will have to compare experiences. Mine just happened two weeks ago and everyone seems to find it HILARIOUS considering I am a church going, cane toting, law-abiding MOM with capital letters. I have not been able to go public yet with my story, WHICH WAS ALL A BIG MISTAKE, because I still cry every time I think about it. But a few more years of therapy should help with that. Still not LOL. :(

    Reply to this comment

  22. The Fitness DivaNo Gravatar says:
    March 1, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    Ha ha haaa. Using Old Spice Swagger, huh? That LL Cool J commercial got ya, didn’t it? Works every time! ;)

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on March 3rd, 2009 6:54 am:

    I’ve never seen the LL Cool J commercial (I rarely watch TV except cartoons before bed). I’m ashamed to admit that what sold me on the Swagger scent was while in the supermarket, I took caps off several deodorants and smelled them until I found one I liked. :)

    Reply to this comment

  23. ClaireNo Gravatar says:
    March 2, 2009 at 7:28 pm

    I have never even heard of Old Spice Red Zone, my dad use to like Old Spice. Have I finally found him….. hehe!

    I would of laughed at your comment :)

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on March 3rd, 2009 7:03 am:

    Although it’s chronologically possible, I’m pretty sure I’m not your dad (not to mention that would be REALLY creepy since I’ve always thought you were kind of hot). :)

    Thanks for telling me you would’ve laughed at my comment. From now on, I’ll be buying ALL my deodorant from you! :)

    Reply to this comment

    ClaireNo Gravatar reply on March 7th, 2009 7:39 pm:

    Only kind of? sheesh! :)

    Next time I am at the store (that’s me typing american). I will lurk in the mens deodorant aisle and try and get a sniff of this swagger stuff :)

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on March 7th, 2009 9:31 pm:

    I had to take points off for your meanness. :)

  24. Tim @ Life Coaching LondonNo Gravatar says:
    March 3, 2009 at 7:04 am

    This reminds me: I found an old bottle of Hai Karate (remember that stuff?) in the back of a cupboard the other day. Maybe it’s time to give it a try.

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on March 3rd, 2009 9:38 am:

    LOL Oh, yeah, I remember that stuff! :)

    Reply to this comment

  25. SkyeNo Gravatar says:
    March 3, 2009 at 7:32 am

    OMG that is too funny! Had I been the cashier, I would have responded with sarcasm. With a wink I would have said, “Well Honey, if you’re dating a cougar, that would do the trick. But if you’re dating someone younger you’d have to go with Axe deodorant and it’s corresponding body spray.”

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on March 3rd, 2009 8:15 am:

    Hmm, Interesting. I was rotating different scents of Axe deoderant before I switched to “Swagger” but Axe costs twice as much and the product only lasts half as long.

    I do like the smell of a lot of the Axe scents.

    Reply to this comment

  26. ettaroseNo Gravatar says:
    March 3, 2009 at 3:59 pm

    William, do you seriously not know what blue star ointment is? You have NOT lived life on the edge. Ha ha ha

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on March 3rd, 2009 4:30 pm:

    I just looked it up and I was right: I DIDN’T WANT TO KNOW!!! YUCK!!! :)

    Reply to this comment

  27. The Hussy HousewifeNo Gravatar says:
    March 4, 2009 at 11:57 am

    I ♥♥ the smell of Old spice. Brings bad memories of my youth..and the men in my life. Like my grandpa. Maybe that is not such a good thing though..to remind a women of her grandpa when she is getting hot and heavy? None the less it smells good.

    I made a music video on my blog and you have a cameo in it..one of my favorite cameos in the whole video! Go check it out!

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on March 4th, 2009 12:21 pm:

    That video is AWESOME! You worked your butt off girl! I’m very impressed! :)

    Here’s a direct link for those that want to see it:

    http://jamieandtnt.blogspot.com/2009/03/we-blog-like-rock-star.html

    Reply to this comment

  28. SteveNo Gravatar says:
    March 4, 2009 at 9:50 pm

    What is it about Old Spice? Am I just out of touch? I love the way it smells. Gosh darn it, I guess I just better go to the backwoods fro whence I was born! But I’m taking my Old Spice with me!

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on March 5th, 2009 5:11 am:

    I like the smell of Old Spice as well, but this is a NEW scent called “Swagger.” It is totally different. Give it a try before you migrate back into the wild. :)

    Reply to this comment

  29. dizzblndNo Gravatar says:
    March 5, 2009 at 3:25 am

    If it is of any comfort, I laughed at your joke. I am sorry you were shunned by that girl.

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on March 5th, 2009 5:55 am:

    Thank you for laughing. I needed that! :)

    Reply to this comment

  30. ChelleNo Gravatar says:
    March 6, 2009 at 3:30 pm

    I would have laughed if I was the cashier. I worked way too long in retail when I was younger, I think the only thing single men pretty much buy is soap and deodorant. Occasionally some candy and chips. Next time, buy a Value Pack, will save you from this situation again :)

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on March 7th, 2009 9:30 pm:

    I can’t buy a value pack because I get bored with the same scent all the time and have to switch-up after a while. :)

    Reply to this comment

  31. PaulsHealthBlog.comNo Gravatar says:
    March 6, 2009 at 8:59 pm

    The quick-on-your-feet move to grab the Tic Tacs should have worked.

    Maybe you were simply having a bad day – again.

    Paul

    Eat Well. Live Well.
    ER BurnTheFat.com
    PurpleGreenPops.com

    Reply to this comment

    William McCammentNo Gravatar reply on March 8th, 2009 4:53 am:

    I think the move to grab the Tic-tacs made things worse. I would’ve grabbed a copy of Weekly World News but they’re no longer printing those. :)

    Reply to this comment

  32. ICECrushNo Gravatar says:
    March 8, 2009 at 3:51 pm

    Haha you’re a funny dude.
    I LOVE Oldspice

    Reply to this comment

  33. artist victoria o'neillNo Gravatar says:
    March 10, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    what a riot! love the story, and your other posts as well…..

    Reply to this comment

  34. TinaNo Gravatar says:
    March 28, 2009 at 4:41 am

    Tic Tacs and deodorant! I can’t stop laughing. It’s like a scene out of a Judd Apatow movie. Thanks for the amusement.

    Reply to this comment

  35. TheSnackHoundNo Gravatar says:
    May 5, 2009 at 8:12 pm

    Maybe it wasn’t the item, but the brand. Aren’t us gals supposed to like Axe? Or what is the one that comes with the black “shower pouf” now? Yeah, guys will use shower poufs because they are black instead of pink. I just wonder what happened to soap on a rope…

    Reply to this comment

  36. Simply RidiculousNo Gravatar says:
    May 30, 2009 at 11:36 pm

    Well.. That was just poor timing!! And just a bad choice of deodorant!! Maybe you should try Axe.. It’s the new scent of confidence!!

    Reply to this comment

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