I filled my truck with gas this morning and when I was done I looked up and saw Stater Bros. supermarket across the parking lot. I remembered I was running low on deodorant, so decided I would just run in there really quick and get some.
Lately, I’ve been using Old Spice Red Zone “Swagger” scented deodorant. According to the container, it’s “the official scent of confidence” That’s me, baby! Confidence.
So I grab a stick and choose to get in line behind a beautiful, young, college-aged girl holding one of those carry-as-you-shop baskets filled with groceries. She looks at me, pulls a strand of hair behind her ear and smiles. I smile back.
I get all warm and fuzzy.
But then she notices I’m in line with nothing but a single stick of deodorant – and, not just ANY deodorant – RED ZONE deodorant: the kind of deodorant reserved for people with alarming body odor. And, she can tell by the fact that I came in just for the deodorant that it’s an emergency.
Her smiling face disintegrated into the same kind of look I would have expected to see if I had carried a fully-soiled urinal into the line behind her.
Realizing how it must look with me carrying nothing but a single stick of deodorant, I quickly reached up and pulled a container of Tic-tacs off the rack, but by this time, the girl had completely lost interest. She purchased her groceries then left without so much as a glance.
I sat my stuff up on the counter and the female clerk looked at the single stick of deodorant and the single container of Tic-tacs then back at me as if it needed an explanation.
“I have a date tonight,” I said, trying to be funny.
Time froze; crickets chirped.
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