Say That Again? I Think I May Have Just Swallowed My Eardrums
I live in a pretty nice neighborhood. There are a few semi-crazy neighbors, but they are mostly just crazy enough to be charming. Of course, there are a few that do insane things like practice the bagpipes at 2:30 in the morning or believe that lighting 300 full-sticks of dynamite is the proper response to the clock striking midnight on New Year’s Eve.
But, these occasional acts of insanity really don’t bother me too much. Everyone’s got to go a little mad sometimes; it’s human nature.
But, now there’s a new numbskull in town. This guy thought it would be a great idea to strap what sounds like a full-blown diesel locomotive horn on his vehicle, pull up somewhere near my house, and blast it once every day at random, then scuttle off undetected.
I’m not talking about a car horn that sounds like a train horn, I’m talking about an authentic, skull-rattling locomotive horn designed to disintegrate wandering farm animals.
I’m not sure who this guy is or even what type of vehicle he’s driving because, by the time I finally peel myself off the ceiling, he’s long gone.
These train blasts are particularly annoying when I’m sitting at the computer with one of my cats on my lap. We’re just sitting there minding our own business, maybe taking turns typing – and then the horn goes off and I am instantly transformed into a whirling dervish, spinning around the living room trying to pull a fizzed-out cat off my face.
I’m not usually a jumpy guy, but this thing is almost indescribable! I would bet a brand new hearing-aid that anyone with normal hearing would spaz if surprised by this horn.
The question is: what do I do about it? I’ve got to figure out who is doing this and exact some sort of cruel revenge; maybe I’ll tie the guy to a light-pole, point the horn at him, blast it, and watch the flesh erode from his bones. Yeah, I like that idea.
I’m feeling better already.
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I think a webcam facing the street may do the trick.
Ear plugs and sedation for the cat could help too.
There is actually a locomotive horn museum in Arkansas (why am I not surprised) and it requires a Chrysler 440 hemi powered compressor to sound some of the biggest ones.
And here is a write up about the Oak Ridge Horn Honk http://www.trainorders.com/discussion/read.php?5,1479160 a whole group of people get together to hear train horns – on purpose.
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William McCamment
reply on January 18th, 2009 6:06 pm:
Wow! I had no idea people would attend something like that! Then again, if it were closer to me, I might check it out myself! LOL
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You need to try to figure out what time of day he enjoys doing this,and then throw some roofing nails down in the road about 15 minutes before he comes by. Works like a charm!!
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William McCamment
reply on January 18th, 2009 6:08 pm:
But, that’s just it! He randomizes! I haven’t heard it yet today, though, and it’s getting late. Maybe I’ll catch him…
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I have heard those damned horns. They out to be outlawed! I’m with TFY just don’t forget they’re there and run over them yourself (that’s something I would do)
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William McCamment
reply on January 18th, 2009 6:13 pm:
I’m not really a tack guy — I think more along the lines of catapulting a flaming dummy onto his windshield and when he gets out to remove it — pull his pants down and swipe his truck…
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ooooooh, that dude so has it comin’. some form of torture is definitely in order!
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William McCamment
reply on January 18th, 2009 6:15 pm:
Wouldn’t it be funny to find out who it is and use his own horn to torture him? See how evil you make me by suggesting such things…
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I am for hire. I am very good at stalking unsuspecting a- holes and running them over. I would even take care of this for you for free! Mwahahahahaha
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William McCamment
reply on January 18th, 2009 6:17 pm:
I’m not sure even my worst enemy deserves the wrath of ettarose… If it gets REAL bad, maybe I’ll call you. LOL
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I might know some people who could take care of this…er…problem for you. Wink, wink.
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William McCamment
reply on January 18th, 2009 6:18 pm:
I’m glad you and I are friends, pal… REALLY glad.
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First of all, that’s just too funny! Sounds like something out of a tv show. Second of all, sorry! I feel bad for you. If you have the money…setup a video camera. Get it on tape. Find out who it is. In my own way of revenge…I would find his vehicle and rig his horn to explode (not to kill him…just to send a message) the next time he uses it! The morale of my revenge story…never piss of a US Army veteran who served in Iraq.
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William McCamment
reply on January 18th, 2009 6:19 pm:
God bless the US Army! LOL
Thanks, B.M.!
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I think you should just roll with it. Every time the horn goes off, stop what you’re doing and take a run around the block. It’s good exersise and it adds a little randomness to your day.
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William McCamment
reply on January 20th, 2009 8:20 am:
I go hiking in the hills nearly every day so I get decent exercise. I’d be a basket case if I didn’t.
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get the israelis to target him
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William McCamment
reply on January 20th, 2009 8:22 am:
LOL That WOULD be satisfying.
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I recommend a legal course of action.
First, start monitoring these occurrences. Keep a log of dates and times when this occurs.
Second, after a week of monitoring, contact the local authorities. Notify them of what has been happening and see what they say.
If you have neighbors, talk to them and find out if they have seen anything. Perhaps everybody could rally together to put an end to the obnoxious behavior.
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William McCamment
reply on January 20th, 2009 8:25 am:
This is really good advice. Thank you.
However; I would seriously kill the blogging potential if I followed it. LOL
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You need to set up some kind of Wile E. Coyote trap for him, is what I think. Then the next time he comes by going “Meep-meep” you’ll be ready for him. You can get some supplies at http://www.acme.com
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William McCamment
reply on January 20th, 2009 8:29 am:
Just the type of comment I would expect from you. LOL
Unfortunately, it is a bit more intense than a simple “Meep-meep,” it is more like the gentle roar of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
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This story reminds me of my neighbor who randomly, nearly every evening, yells a tarzan yell. Or sometimes just a “YA HOO!!!”. It gets extra ridic when my husband happens to be in the backyard at the same time, as he will go back and forth yelling with him.
As for your situation, I don’t have any advice, but I’ll ask my neighbor what he would hate to happen to him and relay the info back to you.
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William McCamment
reply on January 20th, 2009 6:54 pm:
A Tarzan yell would definitely get on my nerves, but I don’t think it would make me throw my coffee…
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Just letting you know that you should be careful about displaying your FeedCount when your subscribers are below one hundred. It could give people the wrong idea or something.
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William McCamment
reply on January 20th, 2009 6:59 pm:
You’re right! Hopefully, Google will straighten it out soon (by the way, I noticed YOU haven’t switched over yet… hehehehe…)
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Pwn Greenland
reply on January 20th, 2009 7:04 pm:
Eh? That’s a bit vague, innit? Switched over to what exactly? I’m bloody confused.
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William McCamment
reply on January 20th, 2009 7:11 pm:
Go to your feedburner account and read the nag-bar near the top of the screen. Feedburner, as we know it, has been discontinued. It all goes through your Google account.
Ahh yes, I remember now. My fault. Then again, I got my PS3 recently and I’ve been far too busy with online gaming to give a hoot about my blogosphere and what not. But thanks for the reminder.
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William McCamment
reply on January 20th, 2009 7:16 pm:
It’s only supposed to be screwed up for a few days after you switch (according to Google).
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Pwn Greenland
reply on January 20th, 2009 7:19 pm:
Be fair now; it was screwy before the migration.
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William McCamment
reply on January 20th, 2009 7:24 pm:
But not screwy enough to lose 2/3 of my subscribers!
In my new account, there are NO email subscribers — I’m hoping I wake up in the morning and they’re back. But, knowing how these things work, I’m guessing I’ll have ZERO subscribers by tomorrow. LOL
I remember the 0 subscriber glitch before the migration. That was a good laugh. Anyhow, seems I have to go back and dick around with my custom FeedCount, especially since the API has changed now. Goddamned corporate migrations.
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William McCamment
reply on January 20th, 2009 7:29 pm:
I feel your pain, bro!
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Okay, I can see the email subscriptions via my Google account so the good news is that you’ll probably be able to do the same. Right, I’m outta here. My PS3 needs me.
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William McCamment
reply on January 21st, 2009 5:51 am:
OK, it’s a few hours later and I can see my email subscribers now. But, the feedcount displayed on my blog hasn’t changed. Oh, well, at least I know people are receiving my feed.
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