I recently stood on the very spot where, in 1806, Lewis and Clark, after an historical 2-year expedition to reach the pacific ocean, looked at each other and said, “we came all this way for this?”
I’m sure an accurate history of the Lewis and Clark expedition is fascinating, but I am much too lazy to do any sort of actual research, so I’ll have to rely on what I remember from my fifth-grade history class and my recent trip to Seaside, Oregon.
Legend has it that during an historical August day in 1803, Zeek “Meriwether” Lewis and William “Crazy Legs” Clark, having realized Honus Wagner was not yet invented and it would be exactly 100-years before the first World Series, decided there was nothing better to do than take an historical hike to the Pacific Ocean.
Unfortunately, they were in Pittsburgh—WAY closer to the Atlantic than the Pacific. But, if there’s one thing William Clark knew about Meriwether Lewis, it’s that if he doesn’t get his way, he’ll likely throw a colossal temper tantrum, holding his breath until he turns an historical shade of turquoise.
So off they went skipping in historical fashion toward the Pacific Ocean.
After about 3 hours they noticed they had been skipping in circles, so they enlisted the services of an historical Native American woman named Sacagawea to serve as guide and interpreter. She (Sacagawea) strapped her infant son—who’s name I’m not making up—(Jean Baptiste Charbonneau) onto her back and led them (Lewis and Clark) out of the city and into the scary, but historical wilderness.
After a grueling 2-years of battling wind, rain, sleet, snow, banditos, leaky canoes, werewolves, salesman and many varieties of historical vegetation, they finally arrived at Seaside, Oregon where they were historically dipped in bronze to forever watch the seagulls poop into the briny sea.
More than 200 years later (in fact, just last week) I was led around Seaside by my girlfriend Gloria—who, as luck would have it, is 50% Native American AND a Native Oregonian—where we visited an historic-looking Mexican restaurant.
I boldly, and historically ordered a Beef Chimichanga.