Elvis is Dead Again–May I Take Your Order?
Photo: Elvis is Dead Again by mygothlaundry
Saturday night I went to a party at a hill-top home overlooking the Temecula wine country and witnessed the second coming of Elvis.
His business card said, “The Best Elvis Impersonator in Vegas!” but, I think it should’ve read, “The LOUDEST Elvis Impersonator in Vegas.”
Anyway, he didn’t like me—most likely because I was sitting at a table with five gorgeous women that, admittedly, I had no business being in the same area code with (In reality I only knew one of them and I’m pretty sure she asked me to sit down in order to keep the hovering comic book guy with two plates of prime rib from squeezing into the seat). Later on, after the girls were swooning to his act, Elvis determined I wasn’t much of a threat and lightened up a bit.
Although he was taking requests from the audience, he refused to do any songs other than those specifically performed by Elvis Presley. I twice called-out, “Do White Punks on Dope!” which got a few laughs but, of course, he couldn’t do it; he just glanced at the half-empty beer bottle in front of me and I assume thought I was drunk (I wasn’t).
What I want to know is: why can’t these guys do Elvis’ songs without having to dress up in a starched white jumpsuit festooned with plastic rhinestones and a collar as tall as an airport control tower?
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate Elvis or his music, but probably due to my youth (Ha-ha!), I’ve never really “got” the whole Legend of Elvis thing. In fact, even if the REAL Elvis showed up, aside from the fact that he would be a zombie, I wouldn’t be too impressed.
After the show, he came over and talked to the girls; they took pictures with him and giggled. He asked if I wanted to take my picture with him; I said no because “everyone knows cameras capture your soul.” I was joking, of course, but he looked at me like he thought I was serious. I got a good laugh out of it.
What really bothers me about Elvis Impersonators is that there are just too many of them—especially in Vegas. Just try to order take-out Chinese food on the strip without a Chinese Elvis taking your order. Why Elvis? Why not other, more interesting celebrities? You never walk into a Las Vegas grocery store and see people pushing shopping carts dressed as, say, Batman, or Hitler.
Most Elvis impersonators I’ve seen really get into the character. So much so that it’s scary. I wonder what would happen if you secretly hired two Elvis impersonators to do the same show at the same time. You could hand them chains and let them go at each other until one is a bloody heap on the floor. Now, that would be a show worth watching!
My greatest fear is that all these Elvis impersonators will one day band together and overthrow the state of Nevada—then, who knows, maybe even the entire country! What if, in order to appease our Elvis overlords, we were forced to wear jumpsuits and take “lip-snarl” lessons? Women would forever be addressed as, “momma-baby,” and it would be proper etiquette to always end every conversation with, “Thank you, thankyouverymuch.”
On the bright side, while I was online researching Elvis impersonators, I discovered that there are a growing number of Michael Jackson impersonators. Maybe the future will bring an apocalyptic showdown between the Elvis and Jackson clans and they will destroy each other. Wouldn’t that be great! 
Dead Rooster is the online home of 
I too am sick of Elvis impersonators. It is the Elvis freaks that ruined Elvis for me. Don’t they realize the white jumpsuit is from the drug riddled, banana sandwich fat as a whale days?
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William McCamment
reply on August 21st, 2008 7:48 am:
I think a lot of the Elvis impersonators choose the fat white jumpsuit look because that’s the body type they most resemble.
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Yeah they suck probably, Ive never met one and don’t know of any in Oz but I’m sure they will be here soon, Steve Irwin impersonators give me the squirts! Kriky
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William McCamment
reply on August 21st, 2008 7:49 am:
Steve Irwin impersonators? LOL
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I was in Sedona, AZ this summer and found out that the reason the area first got phone service was because Elvis had a place there and needed to call his mama.
btw, I love “White Punks on Dope”.
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William McCamment
reply on August 21st, 2008 7:58 am:
Can you hear me now? LOL
WPOD is a classic!
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We are fairly non-Elvis-intensive here in Pennsylvania, though I did once see Elvis at the grocery store. He was a very tall Elvis… And it was entirely amusing to see the reactions of my fellow shoppers.
PS- I like the dueling Elvis concept you proposed. Sort of an Elvis-off. Could provide hours of entertainment.
Hm. Am suddenly in the mood to go watch Bubba Ho-Tep.
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William McCamment
reply on August 21st, 2008 8:18 am:
Why do these Elvis’ wind-up in supermarkets? …oh, wait, I get it now. LOL
Bubba Ho-Tep–Yet another masterpiece featuring the greatest actor in cinematic history, Bruce Campbell!
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I can’t get past the thought of an Elvis Impersonator singing “White Punks on Dope.” What would the Tubes-meets-Elvis sound like, anyway?
I’m curious to find out, at least.
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William McCamment
reply on August 21st, 2008 8:26 am:
Wouldn’t that be great! Elvis singing White Punks on Dope!
We’re white punks on dope,
Mom and Dad moved to Hollywood,
Hang myself when I get enough rope.
(Can’t clean up, though I know I should)
White punks on dope!
WHITE PUNKS ON DOPE!
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It would be far easier to impersonate Elvis than say John Lennon. Self-indulgent narcissism is far more fun than intelligence. And everyone should be able to do a good lip snarl…LOL
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William McCamment
reply on August 21st, 2008 2:18 pm:
I don’t think Elvis was as narcissistic as he appeared. When I was researching this post, I read that he was extremely nervous before live concerts due to low self esteem.
I prefer the very un-Elvis-like “eyebrow-snarl”
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If The Elvis Army and the MJ Militia were to completely destroy each other, Vegas would still have Celine Dion.
Is that a suitable fate?
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William McCamment
reply on August 21st, 2008 2:19 pm:
Yeah, but we could take her…
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Micheal Jackson impersonators, Holy Crap!!! Everyone hide your children!!!
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William McCamment
reply on August 21st, 2008 8:59 pm:
LOL
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I gather you’d wish he’d left the building for good then…
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William McCamment
reply on August 21st, 2008 8:59 pm:
Ha ha! Exactly!
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I went to a wedding in Vegas and yes, there was an Elvis impersonator there to sing a couple of songs. The phenom that is the Elvis impersonator is astounding. Haven’t the impersonators have been around longer than the true Elvis? Sheesh.
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William McCamment
reply on September 2nd, 2008 8:38 pm:
Maybe one day soon there will be Elvis Impersonator impersonators. LOL
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I had enough of the legions of unimaginative Elvis impersonators decades ago. They bore me to tears.
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William McCamment
reply on September 2nd, 2008 8:39 pm:
And, yet, they keep making new ones…
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I love Elvis, the man was absolutely the king. however, I cannot stand Elvis impersonators. most are a cheap knock off of his worst years and the rest of cheap knock off his better years. they may call themselves tribute artists. but his legacy doesnt need them. if you want the real thing its online on you tube. why settle for baloney when you can have steak
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William McCamment
reply on September 2nd, 2008 8:39 pm:
Well said.
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I am not sure if you could make this sound to a dead elvis but works well with trotting dogs…..”do-dat do-dat do-dat along with dutle dutle da dutle dutle da”….. i’m pretty sure some of my best memories are from back then and for what it’s worth i wanted to say i’m sorry for any thing i’ve said or done that was not right.
i only have one farming tool left, but found this LIST in the hardware store that belonged to “craig?” and apparently getting a da-gone porky-pine for cheap cheap, like 1.85 taker easy—awesome site!
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William McCamment
reply on January 21st, 2009 7:26 am:
Oh, my GOD! I just figured out who this is! How are you my scuzcuz? LOL
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WPOD was written with me in mind.
Just kidding.
Classic…if you’re getting invites to parties like that, I would question the company you keep. And why couldn’t the old Rooster have 5 dates at a party, I hear they flock to funny…I’d take advantage of that!
I too never got Elvis. Good showman, but come on…he’s still just another dude right? What if it were Jim Morrison? Would the impersonator stagger into the room, yell some Indian chant and then fall comatose to the floor groaning?
I can do that…wonder what the pay is like.
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William McCamment
reply on September 25th, 2009 4:45 pm:
Haha! Thanks for cracking me up Wayne! I needed that.
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