People see me with beautiful women all the time and wonder: how is this crazy, old– but, admittedly, pretty incredibly hot – man able to consistently land such foxy young starlets? What’s his secret?
Well, guys, it’s easier than you might think and I’m about to reveal it to you right now. At the same time, I’m going to get every woman that reads today’s post hotter than the freshly-cooked buttermilk waffles I just pulled from the iron. (Incidentally: the waffles were created using batter I made from scratch.)
I’ve decided that the best way to reveal my method is to simply seduce my female readers, right here, right now, and allow the guys out there see me in action. Take notes fellas – here goes:
Baby, I want to clean your toilets. I want to clean them so bad it hurts. I want to scrub and scrub and use INDUSTIAL STRENGTH cleansers!
You’re starting to like me already, aren’t you…
Take me to your refrigerator! Yeah, that’s right; I’m throwing out ALL the old mayonnaise! I’m throwing out that pickle jar that’s been in there since 2005 and contains only juice… I’m going to clear everything out and make sure I disinfect every exposed surface before I put everything back in a neat and orderly fashion… and, get this: I’m going to put the drawers in the right way so they won’t get stuck when you try to slide them!
Oh, we’re just getting started, sweetheart…
I’m gonna’ do your laundry. Oh, yes, the laundry! AND I AM NOT GOING TO SHRINK YOUR FAVORITE SWEATER! I’ll be using only the manufacturers recommended detergents and fabric softeners! Are you HOT yet, baby? I know you gotta be gettin’ hot!
I’m going to dust your furniture!
I’m going to vacuum your carpets!
I’m going to remove the dead rodent from your basement BEFORE it turns to dust…
I’m going to TAKE OUT YOUR TRASH EVEN THOUGH IT’S NOT WAY OVER FULL YET!
All right, ladies… Calm down – you’re starting to fog-up the computer screen.
Anyone ready to ride the Rooster Train to Love Land?
(see how it’s done, guys?)
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