Cocoa Comets Cereal: What Dreams May Come?
Stater Bros. Cocoa Comets Cereal: A sweet part of a nutritious breakfast, or mind altering hallucinogenic dream enhancer?
Men should never be allowed to go grocery shopping unattended. If we are, we will always come home with either A: several cartons labeled Beers of the World containing many obscure and unusual tasting beers from many lands; or B: at least one food product designed exclusively for child-type nervous systems, usually with colorful and exciting sugar-based packaging.
Yesterday I went shopping. Since my refrigerator was already full of a mysterious, life-form producing beer from Porcupine, Alabama, I decided to go with two boxes of Cocoa Comets cereal. I had never even heard of it before, but it was on sale for two bucks a box and the illustration on the front suggested an astronaut-oriented-chocolate-fantasy. I had to have it!
When I was a kid, it was easy to tell which breakfast cereals could potentially kill you; they always had the word “sugar” in the title: Sugar Crisp; Sugar Smacks; Sugar Pops; Sugar Frosted Flakes, etc. But, over the years, things changed: now you have to read the list of ingredients to figure it out, and let’s face it, I’m not going to do that unless I eat the product, begin hallucinating and need to find the emergency hotline number.
So, last night, just before bed, I decided to try some. Before I knew it half the box was gone and I was flying around the house like Superman. This stuff tasted better than anything I’ve eaten in 20-years! I loved it! Of course, it didn’t take long before I was experiencing a sleep comparable to a morphine-induced coma.
I’m not sure what they put in this stuff, but the dream I had was weird on a scale that is off the charts! It involved an oversized, steam-powered mechanical vehicle rolling at a snails pace down the street sucking up screaming, panicked pedestrians that should have been able to outrun it, but for some reason, could not escape.
Each person, after being captured, was instantly converted into a fully-articulated garden gnome featuring the classic pointy-red-hat and white beard. One by one they were shot from a large cannon-like smokestack which sent most of them into the trees and onto rooftops; others simply crashed to the ground where, uninjured, they scurried off to create mischief.
What was most disturbing to me though was that every person that was once terrified and running for their life was now happy, even gleeful to have been converted into an evil little garden gnome. Unfortunately, I woke up before I found out what type of diabolical plans they were to unleash.
To those of my readers that happen to work in the psychiatric community, please consider that this was most likely just a children’s cereal-induced episode before you decide to send the guys with the white coats and butterfly nets.
Dead Rooster is the online home of 
Wow.
If the company that produces this stuff could afford to do commercials, they should include your dream as part of the campaign.
Reply to this comment
Jinksy–
I know. I’ve never heard of them before. I think they may be a store brand version of Cocoa Puffs.
Reply to this comment
This sounds like something you reserve a whole weekend for.
Reply to this comment
Jillian–
I think that a whole weekend would result in an overdose. You should probably think twice before engaging in such activity.
Reply to this comment
I need to see I can find that here. I sure as hell could use some hallucinagetic energy around THIS house!
I laughed at your dream though. It sounds like one of the many bizarre-o dreams I have.. even without the sugary, crunchy goodiness of sugar coated gut bombs.
BTW.. when I was growing up, my mom never let us have anything with sugar in it.
We had to eat plain Cheerios WITHOUT sugar. What kind of sick and twisted person does that to a kid!? Huh, huh!?!
Reply to this comment
TheMrs–
If you are already having bizarre-o dreams, maybe eating them would induce psychic dreams for you. Then you could win the lottery!
Reply to this comment
Hmmm… I am tempted to try those now. I could use some better dreams, mine have been so dull lately! I miss the days when I dreamed of evil little garden gnomes, I must be getting old.
Reply to this comment
offended–
Anyone packing the kind of ordnance you do (yes, I saw the power bow) should not be permitted to eat Cocoa Comets before bedtime. When the clock clicked over to 3:00am you could easily have an Amityville Horror situation on your hands.
Reply to this comment
Hmmmm. It sounds like this gnoming might make a good mental therapy. Imagine a world full of happy little evil bearded people.
Okay, let’s not.
Reply to this comment
Brent–
A gnoming we will go, a gnoming we will go…
Reply to this comment
That was an awesome dream and a good laugh. I have to see if my dealer can hook me up with Cocoa Comets.
Reply to this comment
.45–
Start slow and don’t get carried away. It could lead to much harder cereals.
Reply to this comment
Awww we don’t get them over here in the UK
As a counsellor in training I recommend you continue eating then and encourage others to do so, therefore ensuring I will always been in work
Reply to this comment
Claire–
If you can’t get Cocoa Comets you could also try heroin. I heard that’s pretty good too!
Haha! I can’t believe I actually typed that. Just kidding of course.
Reply to this comment
I know precisely which cereals will kill you.
Cereal killers!
Hahahaha!
Excuse me, now. I fear I have embarrassed myself terribly.
Reply to this comment
Lord Likely–
Cereal killers? Hmm, where were you in 1888? It wasn’t Whitechapel, was it?
Reply to this comment
I really appreciate your quick & easy leave a comment system! Saying your site is awesome probably sounds cheezy, but I’m really impressed.
Glad I dropped by & I will have to save this one to check out again!
Reply to this comment
Chelle–
Thanks for the compliment. Come back anytime!
Reply to this comment
I went out and bought some smack from a local hoodie, I sold my granny to get some. My life is now in a downward spiral of doom and I blame you!
Reply to this comment
Claire–
I said I was kidding! Now I feel bad for ruining your life.
Reply to this comment
I’m afraid I’ve already gateway’d to Marshmallow Magic.
Reply to this comment
Thanks for the free marketing of our Cocoa Comets! I’ll be sure to include you as an example when customers ask me how they are.
Kerrie
Stater Bros. HR
Reply to this comment
William McCamment
reply on June 5th, 2008 4:31 am:
Haha! Seriously?
The truth is, I absolutely LOVE this cereal! In the two months since I originally wrote the above blog post, I’ve gone through AT LEAST five boxes!
Reply to this comment
Gina
reply on May 2nd, 2011 10:23 pm:
So, have you had at least 5 more weird dreams?
Reply to this comment
My wife is always nervous when she sends me shopping. I come home with all the stuff I was never allowed to eat as a kid (and I’m still not allowed to eat as an adult).
Reply to this comment
Love cereal like that.. the more sugary the better.. even at my age
Reply to this comment
Chocolate and cereal- the perfect combination
Reply to this comment
Zane
reply on May 26th, 2011 1:53 pm:
Chocolate, cereal, and morphine (apparently)…
Reply to this comment
When I finally moved out of my parents’ home for college, I ate all the Lucky Charms and Captain Crunch my stomach could handle, since I was never allowed to when growing up.
I’m still sick…
Reply to this comment
It does make me a little worried about what kids are eating, if you were affected like that. No wonder kids have nightmares and think monsters are in the closet and under the bed!
Reply to this comment
I can’t tell whether you enjoyed the dream or not, but I would save some of those Cocoa Comets for an evening when you’re looking for inspiration…
Reply to this comment
The commercials for sugary cereals subliminally play on the hyper activity and hallucinogenic capabilities that the product induces. Take, for example, all the mascots — I don’t think they exist just to lure kids through marketing. I believe you’ll see Toucan Sam and Tony the Tiger after two bowls, too.
Reply to this comment
“Men should never be allowed to go grocery shopping unattended”… Well put.
I would add “…or attended only by their children” to your rule. I am way too easy when it comes to shopping with my kids. We go in for milk and eggs and come out needing Ryder to get us and out loot home.
Grocery store marketing is a science. Really. Every last detail in grocery store (the major chains at least) is designed for you to spend more than you intended when you walked it. And they are VERY good and making sure that happens.
Reply to this comment
Cant believe we feed this kind of thing to our kids everyday
Reply to this comment
we should really stop feeding our kids sugar in the morning
Reply to this comment
i think a lot of what we eat can cause similar results!
Reply to this comment
Hilarious! Never seen the stuff in the grocery store either. Maybe you just lucked out with a “wacky” box!
Thanks for the laugh…
Reply to this comment