The rumors are true. Taco Bell’s Volcano Taco—the fast-food industry’s spiciest legal-taco—has officially been discontinued.
Why, Taco Bell, why?
This is especially devastating news for me. Not only did I develop a hard addiction to these things, but I was just about to make the Volcano Taco the official taco of Dead Rooster dot com.
Sure, the first few times you eat one it’s possible to experience a “bad trip” involving some mild hallucinations and unwanted side effects, but once you’ve built up a healthy tolerance, they seem relatively harmless.
So what if a few people complain of emergency-room-style cramps in their lower intestines and refuse to buy them anymore; is that any reason to ruin it for the rest of us?
There have been no reports of permanent brain damage either…right?
And, even though I warned in a previous post that it might not be safe to mix Volcano Tacos with other chemically incompatible foods such as chocolate chip cookies, you would have to admit that even an imbecile would learn after only one or two restroom-related episodes that such a mixture is not a good idea.
Please, Taco Bell, bring them back!
A Final Plea to keep Lava Sauce on the Menu
If nothing else, please consider keeping Lava Sauce on the menu. I have a suspicion that the only real difference between a “volcano” taco and a “regular” taco is the fancy red corn shell and the incredibly spicy, cheesy yellow sauce. If you don’t agree to at least keep the sauce on the menu, I’ll be tempted to try and duplicate it in my own kitchen which—unintentionally and without warning—could threaten my entire neighborhood with periodic explosions featuring stinky cheese gas.
A small portion of humanity rests in your hands.
UPDATE 5/14/2009 Volcano Tacos have now been reinstated on the menu! Go get’em!
UPDATE 7/1/2009 Lava Sauce Recipe REVEALED! Click Here.