Taco Bell Volcano Taco Lava Sauce Recipie Finally Revealed
After thousands of years playing tricks to steal mens souls, the Devil–in cooperation with Taco Bell Restaurants–has invented a taco so highly addictive that the caverns of hell are literally bursting with corpses.
I am, of course, referring to the Volcano Taco.
Seasoned beef, cheese and lettuce topped with a cheesy lava sauce so spicy that they are required-by-law* to be encased in a bright red taco shell.
Originally slated to be a temporary menu item, the Volcano Taco proved to be so popular with wandering hordes of zombie-like fast food aficionados scraping their fingernails on the locked glass doors every morning that Taco Bell was forced to permanently add it to the menu.
But, not before a whimsical corporate decision that nearly ended in Armageddon.
The Great Lava Sauce Famine of 2008
In the late-summer of 2008, word leaked out that Taco Bell would be discontinuing the Volcano Taco for good, and with it, the precious, life-sustaining Lava Sauce.
This proved to be much more than any moderately-trained taco enthusiast could handle, so they all started breaking things.
Finally, someone–probably a college graduate of some sort–came up with the idea of duplicating the Lava Sauce. If only they could discover the recipe! Soon, illegal cheese labs began springing up all across America with sole intention of creating an acceptable substitute.
They began with the most logical composition; one part lava, one part sauce
Results: Unacceptable. Vaporizes flesh off face. Irreversibly etches jawbone.
Conclusion: Try something less corrosive.
Lab Notes: Keep fire extinguisher within easy reach of volunteer test subject.
A Legitimate Non-Comical Recipe for Taco Bell Lava Sauce
And, now for the big finish. Two of my alert readers, haddubabe and Kendall, have revealed that sauce-related scientists at TopSecretRecipies.com have come up with an acceptable substitute for Taco Bell Lava Sauce. They require you to pay for the full recipe; however, they do give you a portion of the recipe for free and having purchased the full text myself, I can tell you they reveal the most interesting of the ingredients in that free section.
Why am I sending you over to look at it at TSR instead of just listing the ingredients here? Because they make you accept a non-disclosure agreement in order to protect the recipe in which they scraped from someone else. Can you believe it?
Anyway, to all you Volcano Taco lovers out there, I hope I’ve helped to end your desperate journey to find the illusive Lava Sauce recipe.
Related Dead Rooster Articles Featuring Taco Bell Lava Sauce:
Volcano Tacos Discontinued: Facing Life Without Lava Sauce
Volcano Tacos: The Active Ingredient in the 100-Yard Dash
*OK, so I made up the “required-by-law” part, and probably the notion that the Devil was involved.
**Photo credit: Frenkieb
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Didn’t the lava sauce cause you some sort of horrific digestive problems once? Or am I misremembering a past post? If the former— is it safe to pass along the guts corrosive concoction to the masses?
Do you feel no sense of responsibility? Of Honor? A duty to keep your readers safe?
Or has the addiction gone so far?
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William McCamment
reply on July 1st, 2009 6:18 am:
That’s only when mixed with a giant chocolate chip cookie from Starbucks. Having said that, I am making no claims that Lava Sauce is safe for consumption by humans.
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Can you find me a recipe for the original Taco Bell green sauce? They don’t make it any more. It was wonderful!
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William McCamment
reply on July 1st, 2009 8:57 am:
I know, I loved that stuff too!
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Your such a great writer William I’m glad your back
Living here in San Antonio Tacos are the least of my problems .
I do enjoy seeing you back JACK
Stumbled from Blogger Bill
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William McCamment
reply on July 2nd, 2009 5:29 am:
It’s great to be back (now if I could just get my Alexa rating back to where it was).
Thanks for your support, John!
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Gotta love those
recipesrecipies!Can’t I use wasabi instead of lava? I mean, it doesn’t vaporize flesh off your face and has instant nasal decongestion as an added effect. You can’t go wrong with that!
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William McCamment
reply on July 2nd, 2009 5:32 pm:
If you think you can’t go wrong with wasabi, you haven’t hung-out with me and my sushi-obsessed buddies.
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William McCamment
reply on July 2nd, 2009 5:33 pm:
D’oh! I spelled “Recipe” wrong in the title! CRAP!!!!
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Omar Modesto
reply on July 2nd, 2009 7:40 pm:
See what not blogging does? Any longer and you’d be in the early stages of dementia.
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ilmao….its always great getting a good laugh. Nice posting William, now only if Taco returns the green stuff…I doubt it, they don’t serve the steak bowls anymore..yikes!
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William McCamment
reply on July 3rd, 2009 11:30 am:
That green sauce was good! Why do they keep messing with me!
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I can duplicate the volcano sauce 1/2 cup mayonaise, 1 pk 1/2 pack taco seasoning, 10 drops of habenero sauce tastes just like it! you can adjusts the strengths to suit yourself by adjusting quanities more habanero or more taco seasoning you catch on!
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William McCamment
reply on September 30th, 2009 9:30 am:
Thanks, Debbie!
I’ll have to give that a try!
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You wrote this great article but preceded it with a misspelling in the title. You’re better than that. It’s spelled “recipe.” Cheers.
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William McCamment
reply on December 23rd, 2009 7:13 am:
Thanks Johnny, but Omar already beat you to it.
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TACO BELL LAVA SAUCE
5 teaspoons powdered cheese (from 7.25 oz. Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Dinner)
1 teaspoon water
1 teaspoon white vinegar
1/2 cup mayonnaise
3/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
1/4 teaspoon granulated sugar
1/4 teaspoon cumin
pinch garlic powder
pinch onion powder
1. Whisk water and vinegar into powdered cheese in a medium bowl until a paste is formed.
2. Stir in remaining ingredients, cover, and chill for several hours.
Makes 1/2 cup.
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You guys are kidding, right? Volcano, or “Lava” sauce is a no-brainer. Get a jar of nacho cheese (any kind) and a bottle of Texas Pete’s, Trappey’s or similar. Take a saucepan and set the stove to medium. Start with half a cup of cheese, add maybe 3 tablespoons of sauce, and stir. Taste once thoroughly mixed, then adjust ratio of cheese to sauce until the desired result is achieved.
It isn’t any more complicated than that.
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What, do you have to buy the whole book? I dob’t even know which one it’s in; there’re three books!
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William McCamment
reply on August 26th, 2010 12:28 pm:
You don’t have to buy the whole book, just go to the website and download the one recipe for .99 cents.
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