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Good news everyone! The December 2008 issue of Antithesis Celebrity Magazine is due out any day now and I just found out I made the front cover! I knew I was going to be featured in the magazine’s list of Incredibly Hot Men, but when I saw what the front cover was going to look like I just about fell out of my chair! I can hardly wait until I can walk into a Barnes & Noble bookstore, pull a copy off the newsstand, and then run through the store screaming, “Look everybody! It’s me! It’s me!

I don’t know what they’re going to say about me in Antithesis, but here is a local magazine article from this month’s Wine Country Metropolitan:

Antithesis Celebrity Magazine’s Top 100 Incredibly Hot Men—Dead Rooster Author William McCamment Takes Top Honors

LA CRESTA CALIFORNIA—If you had any doubt that women around the world are gravitating toward older men these days, just check out Antithesis Celebrity Magazine’s Top 100 Incredibly Hot Men. Rounding out the top ten this year are no less than six gentlemen with at least 40 candles on their next birthday cake. The top honor this year goes to 48 year-old blogger, William McCamment, who authors the increasingly popular Dead Rooster blog.

William, who is single and lives alone in Southern California, was accidentally discovered by Icelandic supermodel, Hjördís (who, in case you’re unfamiliar with this striking 23-year-old blonde, pronounces her name, Yerdis), when she literally ran into him as he was coming out of a Beverly Hills antique shop carrying two 16th century ceramic chickens.

“I didn’t see him until it was too late,” said Hjördís. “I bumped into him so hard that one of the chickens flew out of his arms and onto the street where it shattered into a million pieces. I felt so bad but there was nothing I could do. There was no way to replace it—it’s not like they sell 400-year-old ceramic chickens on every street corner!”

Profusely apologizing, she noticed that the guy she ran into was extremely good-looking. “I almost couldn’t believe it,” she said. “Here was this guy that just lost a very expensive chicken—because of me—and all I could do is blush and think about how incredibly handsome he was.”

After some awkward apologies and high-pitched, girlish crying over the loss of the chicken (mostly from William), the two got into Hjördís’ rare 2006 Aston Martin DBS and sped off for a quaint dinner at Malibu’s exclusive Mountebank restaurant. During the meal, Hjördís confessed she thought he was handsome and suggested he be included in the running for Antithesis Celebrity Magazine’s Top 100 Incredibly Hot Men.

William, shocked at the suggestion of a (then) 46-year-old Rare Book Dealer making the list and thinking nothing would ever come of it, agreed to let her submit his bio. Sixteen months later he sits atop AM’s Incredibly Hot Men list ahead of such hotties as # 2 Johnny Depp; #3 George Clooney; # 4 Matt Damon; and #5 Orlando Bloom.

“What’s interesting,” said Antithesis publisher, Katrina Random, “is that largely unknown fellas like William are beginning to crack the top ten, whereas better known heartthrobs like Brad Pitt barely make the list at all.” Pitt came in at number ninety-nine. It’s the first time in Antithesis’ history he didn’t make the top five.

END OF ARTICLE

DEAR DEAD ROOSTER READERS: The above article is, of course, fake. There is no Antithesis Celebrity Magazine; no list of the Top 100 Incredibly Hot Men; and most disappointing, especially for me, there’s no smitten Icelandic supermodel named Hjördís.

The idea for this prankish post was prompted by the recent alignment of three random strokes of fate:

The first was that my good friend, Joe, at Crotchety Old Man Yells at Cars wrote a post about how all these young, beautiful women keep flocking to Hugh Hefner’s bedroom even though he’s an old, desiccating Crypt Keeper–to which I responded in a comment, “It’s the fame. Before I became an international superstar blogger, I hardly ever had swarms of 19-year-old hotties drenching me with their love…” Haha! Uh…yeah…

The second was my recent discovery of an online photo manipulation tool called PhotoFunia that, when you upload your picture, it places it realistically into a photo with celebrities and/or interesting scenes (the photos in this post aside from the magazine cover were created with that tool—the magazine cover was done by me and Photoshop). Go play with it, you’ll love it. And, they have a full 74 photos to choose from!

The third and final stroke was that my monopoly on the search phrase “Incredibly Hot Men” has faded and I miss winning bar-bets with people that don’t believe it when I tell them my picture will come up if they type it into a search engine.

So, I tried to work a little SEO magic into this post hoping it brings it back up. We’ll see.

Thanks for playing along.