DeadRooster.com

Apparently, it is common to start a new blog with an entry titled, Hello World! I’m sure there are many reasons for this, but I think it is mainly due to the fact that most blogging software packages come pre-loaded with a “Hello World” post and people just go with it. These people are making fools of themselves.

Now it’s my turn.

After using Google’s blog-search feature, I learned that there are currently 1,126,121 blogs that include a “Hello World” entry. To my astonishment, I also learned that there are precisely zero blogs featuring the title Dead Rooster Takes Flight. Go figure.

Despite its unpopularity, I’ve decided to go with Dead Rooster Takes Flight to launch my new blog. It seems to make more sense given the domain name, Dead Rooster dot com. The only problem, though, is that by naming my first entry in this clever way, I also run the risk of upsetting people that are genuinely searching for information on flying dead roosters. Therefore, I feel a certain obligation to these people, and I will not disappoint them by offering a somewhat useful technique I have used many times.

First, you need to find a dead rooster that has been thoroughly flattened (Rural roadsides in states such as Wisconsin are a great place to search for suitable birds). Next, you need to grab the rooster by its stiff, lifeless wing and fling it Frisbee-style up over the house.

Now, it’s important to realize that there are hazards to this method. Imagine this: just as your neighbor, Poor Old Mr. Jenkins, sits down to his quiet breakfast and newspaper, he is startled by a high-velocity dead rooster crashing through his dining room window. And, even worse, it could slam right into his favorite bowl of Malt-O-Meal thus setting off a messy kitchen nightmare of glass and gruel for which you are solely responsible. He might even believe he’s being invaded by Roosterrorists which could bring the heat on you pretty quickly if he decides to report it to the authorities.

A DEAD ROOSTER IS NOT A TOY!

You know, on second thought, and to lessen my liability, it is my official recommendation that you stick with less dangerous projectiles, such as muffins (and, if you’re a beginner, I suggest you use unfrosted muffins). But, I’m not changing the title of this blog entry; besides, Unfrosted Muffin Takes Flight, just doesn’t make any sense for a blog named, Dead Rooster.