A Two-Pronged Barbecue Fork Right in the Eye

So, I’m wandering around the internet, checking out my blogroll, when I came across a post by my good friend, Don Lewis. Apparently, his heart is still filled with joy from a few months ago when I lovingly tagged him with a “meme.”

For those that don’t know, a “meme” is the blog version of a chain letter. Most bloggers, such as Don, absolutely love them and no matter how many times you tag them, can’t seem to get enough of them. I, on the other hand, am not too fond of them and try to avoid them as much as possible—actually, to be more precise: I hate them.

Anyway, I’m surfing along and see that I have been tagged by Don and I immediately say out loud, “A two-pronged barbeque fork, right in the eye!” I don’t know why I said those exact words; it doesn’t even make a whole lot of sense, except that it probably communicates, better than anything else I could come up with, my exact sentiments toward blog memes.

Since Don is such a good friend of mine, and since I did tag him with one once, I feel obligated to do this just one more time. I will NOT be passing it on though. I just refuse to promote these horrible things any more.

Here are the rules (which will apply to no one, since I am not passing this vile memerick on):

• Link the person(s) who tagged you
• Mention the rules on your blog
• Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours
• Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them [*Note: I am not doing this]
• Leave a comment on each of the tagged bloggers’ blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged [*Note: since I’m not following the previous rule, it doesn’t make sense to follow this one either]

Here are six unspectacular quirks of mine:

1. I hate meme tags. I hate these things more than I hate Captain Trips.
2. I want to kill Don Lewis. I’ve always wanted to kill him, but now that he has tagged me, all systems go!
3. I believe meme tags are the work of the same infant-sacrificing, devil worshiping cult that invented Good & Plenty Candies.
4. I love fluffy kittens. There is almost nothing I’d rather do than play with kittens—except maybe kill Don Lewis.
5. I am mechanically inclined, but hate working on anything mechanical. I am about to replace the “Clutch Release Cylinder” on my truck. I am dreading it, but I am not going to pay an illiterate chimpanzee ten times the cost of the part to turn two bolts—and, probably do it wrong.
6. I don’t sleep. Haha! Sleep is for losers. I get maybe five-hours on a good night. Maybe.

Ok, maybe I went a little over-the-top with the “Kill Don” stuff. Actually, he is probably the funniest guy on the internet and all-of-you should pay a visit to his blog. Don was the first guy to acknowledge me as a humor blogger and did a nice little write-up when I was just starting out. That really meant a lot to me.

I’ve contemplated the idea of someday meeting him in person, but am terrified that I might literally die of laughter. I’m SERIOUS! Sometimes, even his short comments and message-board posts are so funny I need oxygen. So, you can imagine how funny his blog posts are.

His blog is called, It’s a Funny Thing. Give him a visit and tell him I said, “Hello.” He’ll probably know what it means… It means, hello, but maybe he’ll mistakenly read something sinister into it.

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